Total Physique Online

As you can see, I have not posted to the site in some time.

The reason is simple. What was left of my body after my first hospitalization (from 167 to 135 pounds) has been ravaged by yet more pneumonia and a two week stay in the hospital near to the point of death. My body weight dropped to a scant 123 pounds. I was nearly dead several times. The double pneumonia was very, very hard on on this tired body.
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I recently sent an email to a friend of mine. His name is John. John is older than I am, and a dear friend. I trust him, I look up to him. He has been assisting me since the ordeal of my life, which began some 6 months ago in Williamsburg Virginia. After I read the email I sent John, I felt that this web site was the perfect place to re-post it.
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I am not in the habit of begging. Begging is a huge turn-off to me. When someone begs, they are usually asking for something when they have nothing to offer in return. Moreover, as anyone who has ever been a success at anything will tell you, begging is typically not a very productive way of achieving meaningful, long-term success at anything, no matter what your endeavor of choice is. Nevertheless, there are times in life when circumstances can create a sense of urgency that is so immediate that an appeal for help is the only course of action one can take. This is one of those circumstances.
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When you have no place to call home, and when your funds are limited as mine are, it’s very important to keep ones spirits up, especially if you are a Christian, because satan will use every tool in his arsenal to discourage you, kill your morale, break you down and finish you.

When that cop pulled me over I nearly lost it. In truth, I guess you could say I did lose it. I just lost hope. I was already discouraged because for the past 8 weeks I have overturned every stone I could find trying to locate resources to use in order to survive. I have tried everything I know to try in order to find a home. With my health being what it is, I need to find a place as soon as possible and the fact that I came up with nothing was really discouraging. Moreover, I simply do not have enough money to stay in a hotel. So when the cop cited me it was as if the final straw had broken the camels back. It was as if I was being kicked in the head over and over and I just felt like I was out on my feet at that point. This most certainly did not feel like a good omen and if this is a sign of things to come I am done.

These several things I know:
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As the song says: “Back on the road again”. Sigh.

My house sitting arrangement came to an end and the lady of the house for whom I was sitting did not want me as a tenant. I had already stayed at her house a month longer than I was suppose to have, to the tune of $150.00, so I just could not stay there any longer. I made her a promise to be out by the end of September and I was unable to secure a place for myself do to the fact that my disability check just does not carry much in the way of purchase power. The doors just did not open up for me. In an effort to keep my word, I just packed up my car and headed east. In short, I am searching for a place to call home and scared out of my mind that I won’t be able to find anything.
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I stood in the middle of the gym. All around me were thickly muscled lifters, power racks and benches. The gym was buzzing with activity.

As I recall, the benches and racks stood out like a sore thumb. This was some of the strongest looking equipment I had ever seen. The frames of the benches and squat racks were white, and the tubing that comprised the frames that formed the pillars of the racks and benches was thick and stout. Not surprisingly, the athletes in the gym were equally thick and stout, heavily muscled from stem to stern. What stood out the most about these athletes was their hands.
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As web master of this site I have spent a lot of time honing my skills as a creative writer and just about as much time honing my skills as a copy and paste artist. That this sight contains the writings of others (with their permission, of course) is a fact I am rather proud of, because in the end this site is somewhat of a collaborative effort for which I cannot take full credit. And while I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to use the writings of others to improve the quality of this site, I am proudest of the things I have written because they come from the heart. This post in particular will be one of my most passionate entries in this blog. I hope you can glean something from it.
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Have you ever had the feeling that you just wanted life to stop? Have you ever felt that life had passed you buy? Have you ever wanted life to stop just long enough for you to catch your breath and survey they landscape of your past? I have felt that way. I feel that way now. I really want to get a fix on where I have been and where I am going. I want to know my direction. Hell, I can’t even remember the last time I had a direction. I cannot even remember the last time I even knew where I was headed.
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